‘New Weight Loss Gadget Sucks Food Straight Out of the Stomach’

January 7th, 2013

Wow. Maybe they can somehow form the slurry into delicious and nutritious chow pellets. Which could… You know…


Via: Independent:

Who would have thought that the future of weight loss might lie in the hands of the inventor of the Segway? Dean Kamen, creator of the two-wheeled wonder, along with a team from Aspire Bariatrics, of Philadelphia, has applied for a patent for a pump that can suck food and drink straight out of the stomach.

Initial setbacks… have occurred because the pump struggles to break up large foods. One patient reported “clogging” and had to avoid eating cauliflower, broccoli, Chinese food, stir fry, snow peas, pretzels, chips and steak.

6 Responses to “‘New Weight Loss Gadget Sucks Food Straight Out of the Stomach’”

  1. steve holmes Says:

    Forget the pump, just install a 2″ port with a hose attachment to a five gallon bucket.

  2. JWSmythe Says:

    Funny, some of us already have a mechanism for this.. It’s our lower digestive system. The food goes in the top, and out the bottom. If you want to lose weight, stop putting in so much in the top. 🙂

  3. alvinroast Says:

    Oddly enough, I believe the original design involved using the complex mechanisms of the intestines to transfer nutrition to the body.

    It kind of seems like they’re missing the point of the whole process. Leave it to one of GHW Bush’s buddies…

    Collapse seems like a good category. If this becomes widely used you may need to add Atrocities.

  4. steve holmes Says:

    I wonder if such a device could have prevented Al Roker from “pooping his pants at the white house.”

  5. ENERGYMAN Says:

    I got good news for the site!

    I was just about to order one of these contraptions
    a second ago because I read this article and got really excited.

    Well lo and behold, as my index finger was about to confirm my order, I stopped mid push and just stared at my index finger hovering above the trackpad.

    A thought was forming inside of my mind.

    My eyes widened as a bright lightbulb of knowledge switched on inside my brain.

    Then I slowly started turning my index finger around away from the computer, toward my face.
    (At his point I could have sworn Flight of the Valykyries was playing in the background)

    I then jammed my finger straight down my throat and did a victory dance against my apparent enemy.

  6. prov6yahoo Says:

    good one ENERGYMAN!!!

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