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3/20/2004



Rumsfeld Bitch Slapped on National TV :.

Nice one. Careful, though, you don't want him to pull one of these:






"Witty" Worm Delivering Kill Shot to Hard Drives :.

Systems running BlackICE and RealSecure firewalls are being set up the bomb by the tens of thousands right now. Can you imagine? Thousands of "road warrior" PHBs firing up their laptops after their Monday morning espresso enemas? Uhh, woops:

A quickly spreading Internet worm destroyed or damaged tens of thousands of personal computers worldwide Saturday morning by exploiting a security flaw in a firewall program designed to protect PCs from online threats, computer experts said.

The "Witty" worm writes random data onto the hard drives of computers equipped with the Black Ice and Real Secure Internet firewall products, causing the drives to fail and making it impossible to restart the PCs. Unlike many recent worms that arrive as e-mail attachments, it spreads automatically to vulnerable computers without any action on the part of the user.

At least 50,000 computers have been infected so far, according to Reston, Va.-based computer security firm iDefense and the Bethesda, Md.-based SANS Institute.


Witty Worm Analysis :.

This worm has been found to be highly malicious, slowly destroying the systems it infects. Because of this activity, at some point this worm will cease to exist - unfortunately it will take all the affected systems with it. Rather than simply executing a "format C:" or similar destructive command, the worm slowly corrupts the filesystem while it continues to spread.

The worm's functionality is as follows:

1) Generates a random IP address
2) Sends the worm payload
3) Repeats steps 1-2 20,000 times
4) Opens a random PHYSICALDRIVE from 0-7, which allows raw hard disk access
5) Seeks to a random point on the disk
6) Writes 65K of data from the beginning of the vulnerable DLL to the disk
7) Closes the disk
8) Starts the process over from step 1

The act of writing directly to the drive will cause certain filesystem corruption. Any infected machine will likely have its operating system and partition data destroyed along with most files on the physical drives, depending on how long the worm runs on the machine.


Note: I use both hardware and software firewalls; never fully trusting either. If an exploit emerges for my hardware based firewall, chances are slim to none that the software based firewall would also have a critical flaw at the same moment. I think it would actually be exciting to see my software firewall start to give me WAN side warnings.... Obviously, this would indicate that some freak/worm had penetrated the hardware based firewall that blocks nearly everything (except for a couple of ports that I use for this and that). I'd laugh my ass off and probably utter something like, "Who needs this shit?" as I yanked the WAN cable out of the router.





Chomsky Backs 'Bush-Lite' Kerry :.

Much of what Chomsky says is correct, but, in the final analysis, the guy is a status quo, system maintaining shill. Chomsky is advocating a vote for Kerry, someone only slightly better than the "cruel and savage" Bush. You see, Chomsky, like many Democrats, just can't (or won't) grasp the fact that the American political system has lost all legitimacy.

I personally pleaded with Chomsky to help raise consciousness about alternative energy technologies. He responded by saying that he wasn't "expert" enough and that we should be happy with incremental changes. Well, old man, that's just not going to cut it when we're dealing with "cruel and savage" vs slightly better than "cruel and savage." If this doesn't sum up the hypocrisy of the Dems, I don't know what will:

Noam Chomsky, the political theorist and leftwing guru, yesterday gave his reluctant endorsement to the Democratic party's presidential contender, John Kerry, calling him "Bush-lite", but a "fraction" better than his rival.

Professor Chomsky - a linguist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology as well as a renowned chronicler of American foreign policy - said there were "small differences" between Senator Kerry and the Republican president. But, in an interview on the Guardian's politics website, he added that those small differences "can translate into large outcomes".

He describes the choice facing US voters in November as "the choice between two factions of the business party". But the Bush administration was so "cruel and savage", it was important to replace it.

He said: "Kerry is sometimes described as 'Bush-lite', which is not inaccurate. But despite the limited differences both domestically and internationally, there are differences. In a system of immense power, small differences can translate into large outcomes."


Where Noam Will not Roam - Chomsky's Limited Dissent Supports the Official Stories of 9/11 and JFK :.

"That's an internet theory and it's hopelessly implausible. Hopelessly implausible. So hopelessly implausible I don't see any point in talking about it."

- Noam Chomsky, at a FAIR event at New York's Town Hall, 22 January 2002, in response to a question from the audience about US government foreknowledge of 9/11.


3/18/2004



Spiral: Riots Spread Across Kosovo, Serbia :.

One can only hope that Europe has larned its lesson on the Balkans; this type of thing must be stopped immediately or the whole shop will blow up again:

Ethnic Albanians burned houses and churches and drove hundreds of Serbs from towns and villages across Kosovo on Thursday, while Serbs outside the province retaliated by setting ablaze mosques in Serbia. NATO responded to the violence by sending in reinforcements to head off a broader conflict.

The death toll from two days of marauding reached 31, U.N. officials said, but it was not clear how the numbers broke down between the two sides.





Hyping the Impending Staged Capture of Bin Laden :.

Alex Jones' White House source told him in 2002 that bin Laden had died of natural causes and that he was on ice, to be rolled out right before the election. Read our story behind this story today from CNN:

Drone may have spotted bin Laden in 2000
CNN
March 17, 2004
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. officials say CIA surveillance aircraft video that they think shows Osama bin Laden in 2000 was "highly classified," and that the CIA will investigate who leaked it to the media.

The CIA often investigates when unauthorized material is leaked to the media, U.S. officials said.





Helping Kids Kick the TV Addiction :.

If I had kids, I would keep the guns and the TV locked in the same cabinet. Guns can kill the body. TV can kill the mind. I love the tone of this article. It sounds like they're talking about out of control smack addicts:

Realize, TV and videos have an addictive effect--the more kids watch, the more they want to watch. So come up with some realistic and reasonable rules: one video or TV program each day; no TV on the weekdays, weekends only; no videos with violent themes. Explain your new rules once, but don't attempt to convince your son that your rules are reasonable.

Research Credit: MH





Object Streaks Through Martian Sky :.

Of all the ways They could bring this show down, I would find the "fake alien invasion" scenario most entertaining. I guess Al Qaeda is more convincing than "aliens" for the moment:

The US Spirit rover on Mars has seen a UFO streak across the Red Planet sky.

Astronomers say it could be the first meteor seen from the surface of another world, or a redundant orbiting spacecraft sent to Mars 30 years ago.

"We may never know, but we are still looking for clues," said Dr Mark Lemmon, from Texas A&M University.

Whatever it was, Spirit was lucky to catch sight of the UFO as the rover's main mission is to look downwards to study rocks and soil on the planet.





Alex Jones and Ralph Nader to Hold No Republi-crat Rally! :.

Man, I wish I could be there!

The NO REPUBLI-CRAT WAR RALLY sponsored by The Intelligence Community will begin with Ralph Nader at 4:30pm followed by Alex Jones at 7:00pm.





Royal Dutch/Shell Cut Its Oil and Gas Reserves... Again :.

Royal Dutch/Shell cut its oil and gas reserves for the second time this year on Thursday in a fresh blow to investor confidence, as U.S. regulators stepped up legal probes into the debacle.

Shell's decision to slash its proved reserves by 20 percent in January has already sent shockwaves through the industry, cost its two top bosses their jobs, and wiped billions of dollars off its stock market value.

Thursday's reserves cut was much smaller, at just 220 million barrels for 2003, and 250 million for 2002, compared with the original restatement of 3.9 billion barrels.

But it is just as embarrassing, because it includes reserves from Norwegian field Ormen Lange that were identified as bookable only a few weeks ago -- after the January admission.





Fourteen Dead as Ethnic Violence Sweeps Kosovo :.

Keep an eye on it:

The worst ethnic violence in Kosovo since the end of the 1999 conflict erupted in the partitioned town of Kosovska Mitrovica yesterday, leaving hundreds wounded and at least 14 people dead.

UN peacekeepers and Nato troops scrambled to contain a raging gun battle between Serbs and ethnic Albanians.


3/17/2004



Cryptogon Freak Labs Presents: Solar Water Distillation

Southern California has plenty of sun, but don't drink the water. Several days ago, when the temps hit the 90s, I snapped. I decided that I wasn't going to pay as much as $1.50 for a gallon of distilled water anymore. I have known about solar water distillation for over twenty years; ever since my sister built a small solar still for a science project back in elementary school.

If you understand evaporation and condensation, you understand how the solar still operates. You collect the pure H20 that evaporates (and then condenses) from a pool of tap water, sea water, pond water, etc. The diffused solids, heavy metals, etc. are left behind and you get pure H20 out the other end. The sun supplies the power necessary to accomplish this cycle. While the concept is basic, building a decent solar still from scratch proved to be a little harder than I thought it would be. (More on the hard part later.)


I roughly followed this design for my still. I built the enclosure out of plywood and 2x4s. I used some 6mil black plastic (thick construction plastic sheeting) to hold the water inside the enclosure instead of the hi-temp silicon that the plan calls for. I used a staple gun to secure the plastic in place (staples above the waterline).

To collect the distilled water that runs down the glass, I used a standard plastic rain gutter cut down to fit the inside of the enclosure. I tilted the gutter so the collected water runs "downhill" to the right. Slots were cut into the plastic end caps on the gutter with a hacksaw to allow the glass to slide all the way down to the base of the gutter. At the lowest point on the right side of the gutter is a 3/8" barb splicer, caulked in place with some DAP Aquarium silicon sealant. WARNING: Most silicon sealants contain pesticides and shouldn't be used for this or similar applications. This is the tap to the outside. The distilled water runs down a plastic hose and collects in a regular drinking water bottle. A garden hose allows for easy refilling when the unit gets low. Here's a pic of the input/output side of the still.

Now, the hard part. The thing needs to be sealed up really tight; as close to airtight as possible. As such, my half ass fabrication skills were not sufficient to allow the still to work very well without several feet of duct tape. The glass didn't sit perfectly flat on the enclosure. I cut the wood properly, but the silicon didn't go on evenly, so there were a couple of gaps. I went around the entire thing with the duct tape and that fixed it. Air gaps cut the efficiency of the system down and allow water seeking creatures of all descriptions to enter the still.

I considered buying a professionally manufactured solar still, until I saw how expensive they are! $450, minimum. Check out some of these systems:

Aqua del Sol <--- Probably the best ones.

SolAqua

Real Goods

These may not be so expensive, after all, considering that the thing I built cost about $100, and is not a permanent solution by any means. The wood will fall apart in a couple of years. One of these manufactured systems would last indefinitely, and you wouldn't have to spend all the time slapassing the thing together, like I did.

While I wish I wasn't out $100 after building this thing, I think it was worth it, if just for the antics alone. (Two people bought the Cryptogon dump file, and one of the contributors gave me ten bucks for it! So, this project only set me back $85.) I'll let you guys know how much water I'm getting out of it. If I have extra water, I'll be able to use it on my garden.





'Attack On London Is Inevitable' :.

London's police chief warned yesterday of the ever-widening terrorist threat to the capital, stressing that bombers could strike not just on the rail or tube network but virtually anywhere - pubs, nightclubs, buses or roads.

Sir John Stevens, the Metropolitan police commissioner, described the huge security effort, with hundreds of officers working at full stretch to try to prevent an atrocity.

Sir John and the city's mayor, Ken Livingstone, pledged to do everything in their power to protect the public, but they urged Londoners to be on their guard, stressing that community vigilance was the best weapon against terrorism.

Sir John agreed with Mr Livingstone, who said: "It would be miraculous if, with all the terrorist resources arranged against us, terrorists did not get through, and given that some are prepared to give their own lives, it would be inconceivable that someone does not get through to London."





Quote

"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster; and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

Friedrich Nietzsche


3/16/2004



Cryptogon Dump File $5

Have you ever wanted to see every Cryptogon post on a single webpage? I know, frightening concept! As part of moving the content to Typepad, I had to create just such a file. It's 700 pages, according to "Print Preview" in Microsoft Internet Explorer. This is from day one, up to yesterday. The formatting isn't totally gone, but it's not pretty (or too ugly), it's easily searchable, and all of the pictures are intact. If you want it, send me $5 in Paypal and I'll let you know where it is. (A pint of imported beer goes for $5 around here!)

Hint: If you write in to complain about how poor you are and how you don't have Paypal, I'll just hate you for life and send all future emails from you down a black hole. Go read CNN.com. It's free!

It's interesting, having open hostility for most of your readers while asking them for $5. What's more interesting is that nobody (ok, maybe one person) will pay $5 for something that represents 1/3 of my life for the last two years. It's time to think seriously about what's going to happen with this thing in the future. Clearly, it's not going to continue like this.

I'm leaning toward news clippings on the public site and then a subscription based site that provides the analysis and original reporting.





Possible Migration of Cryptogon to Typepad Pro

I've been looking at different options to improve Cryptogon. There is no "great" blog publishing system, is what I'm finding. Blogger is pretty good, but it's severely limited.

I want an easy way to do categories. Typepad allows for this. I was also able to migrate two years of Cryptogon content to the Typepad site (mostly, anyway). I was stunned that this worked (mostly worked...it's close enough, I can fix the problems). Typepad is mostly pretty good, but some aspects are unbelievably boneheaded. The lack of FTP access or a file management system is inexcusable, if you ask me. There is no way to list or delete files on your server! HA! I'm not kidding. They say it's coming soon....

Anyway, take a look at the site. The temporary URL is cryptogon.typepad.com. This is a first attempt at using the system, just to see if I could migrate the existing data, and to see what's possible using their publishing engine. While they allow complete customization of the code that generates the pages, I can't make any sense of it, and I'd basically leave it very close to the way it is. I don't have desire to figure out this nonsense. Things like CSS and limited layout changes are point-and-click easy to change, though.

I guess it boils down to this: Is it worth all the trouble to get categories, comments and the ability to easily create the type of book showcase (scroll down on this page and look to the right) I have to painstakingly do my hand right now?

I'm wondering why I'm even thinking about trying to improve this thing, since 99% of you are useless takers who never do anything to support this site.... but you show up everyday to read it. Go figger.





Biometric Scanners at Sea World :.

From Alex Jones:

I was shocked when told by the security guard at the turn style, that I would have to biometrically scan my right hand in order to enter the park. I refused and said that it was against my religion. I told them that it was a part of a federal program in conjunction with major corporations to prepare us for the cashless society that is being set up to track all of our purchases, activities, and is being used to build detailed psychological profiles on all of us.


3/15/2004



Report Sees Bleak Trend in U.S. News Media :.

News organizations don't provide any context and they treat stories as if they exist in a vacuum. No wonder my readership is increasing! ;)

Most U.S. news media are experiencing a steady decline in their audiences and are significantly cutting their investment in staff and resources, according to a report issued on Monday.

The study on the state of the U.S. news media by the Project for Excellence in Journalism, which is affiliated with Columbia University's graduate journalism school, found only ethnic, alternative and online media were flourishing.

"Trust in journalism has been declining for a generation," said project director Tom Rosenstiel. "This study suggests one reason is that news media are locked in a vicious cycle. As audiences fragment, newsrooms are cut back, which further erodes public trust."

Only 5 percent of stories on cable news contained new information, the report found. Most were simply rehashes of the same facts. There was also less fact checking than in the past and less policing of journalistic standards.





Fannie Mae's $25 Billion 'Gambling' Loss Comes to Light :.

Fannie Mae paid a net $25.1 billion on derivatives transactions in under four years -- nearly all of which may represent losses that cannot be recouped, in turn depressing future earnings.

The potential scale of the liabilities, which have yet to be recognised in the company's earnings or in the minimum capital adequacy required by its regulator, raise fresh doubts about the financial health of the mortgage finance giant.

Regulation of Fannie Mae and its sibling Freddie Mac is rapidly moving up the agenda in Washington, amid concerns that the two goverment-sponsored entities have grown so big that they pose a systemic risk to the US financial system. The two entities own or guarantee mortgages totalling $4,000 billion.


$4,000 billion is $4 trillion, in case you were wondering.





Spain's Zapatero: Iraq War and Occupation Are Disasters :.

I think Spain is about to join the Axis of Evil. Well done, Spain:

The leader of Spain's victorious Socialists, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, said Monday he would likely withdraw Spain's 1,300 troops from Iraq in June. "The war has been a disaster, the occupation continues to be a disaster. It has only caused violence," Mr. Zapatero said.

"There must be consequences. There has been one already � the election result. The second will be that the Spanish troops will come back," he said. "Mr. Blair and Mr. Bush must do some reflection and self-criticism. You can't bomb a people, you can't organize a war with lies," he told Spain's Cadena SER radio station.

Zapatero repeated a previous campaign pledge to pull out troops if the United Nations does not take charge by mid-year.


3/14/2004



Woops: Furious Voters Oust Spanish Government :.

The plan is backfiring!

Socialist leader Jos� Luis Rodr�guez Zapatero swept to a surprise victory that was a blow to the Bush administration. He has pledged to withdraw Spain's 1,300 troops from Iraq if the UN does not take control by June 30 when Washington plans to hand power back to Iraqis.

Mr Zapatero started his victory speech with a minute's silence for the victims of Thursday's attacks before vowing to fight all kinds of terrorism. "Together we will defeat it," he told supporters outside his party headquarters in Madrid.

Angry protests on the streets of large cities overnight had set a tone of brooding resentment and bitterness for a vote in which the deaths of 200 people and the injuries of more than 1,500 had inflamed some already sharp divisions in Spain.

Protesters accused the government of trying to hide the fact that violent Islamism was to blame and demanded explanations for Mr Aznar's backing of the Iraq war against the will of some 90% of Spaniards.





U.S. Gasoline Prices Hit a Record High :.

Prices for all grades of gasoline rose 1.34 cents in the last two weeks to a record high nationwide average of $1.77 a gallon, according to a study released Sunday.





Off Topic: Cryptogon Garden Ducks

I was working in my garden when two mallard ducks flew down out of the sky, walked over to me and started quacking. This was weird, because, just this morning, I was thinking about how I was going to deal with snails. Smart people know that one doesn't have a snail problem. One has a lack of duck problem. I could ring my raised bed with copper pipe, but that costs money. I'd much rather hang out with this happy couple. I named them Fritz and Henrietta. Don't ask me why. I don't know. The names just came to me immediately.


I found some crackers and rice for them. I put it down and Fritz let Henrietta gobble up as much as she wanted. He kept an eye on me, as if to make sure I didn't try to snatch up his mate while she was eating. Henrietta stepped away from the food and then Fritz ate. She kept an eye on me too. I thought about why she ate first. Do you think it's hardcoded into the male's brain to let the female eat first? It makes sense, from a survival perspective. They quacked at me. I quacked back at them as I worked on my raised bed. Then, without warning, they both flew away. I was looking for snails to give to them, but I couldn't find any. I eventually found two underneath a tarp. I set them near the rice and crackers.

I hope I see these ducks again. They're pretty cool.





FBI Wants Backdoors in All Internet Services :.

This is incredible:

A far-reaching proposal from the FBI, made public Friday, would require all broadband Internet providers, including cable modem and DSL companies, to rewire their networks to support easy wiretapping by police.

The FBI's request to the Federal Communications Commission aims to give police ready access to any form of Internet-based communications. If approved as drafted, the proposal could dramatically expand the scope of the agency's wiretap powers, raise costs for cable broadband companies and complicate Internet product development.

Legal experts said the 85-page filing includes language that could be interpreted as forcing companies to build back doors into everything from instant messaging and voice over Internet Protocol (VoIP) programs to Microsoft's Xbox Live game service. The introduction of new services that did not support a back door for police would be outlawed, and companies would be given 15 months to make sure that existing services comply.


Did you get that last sentence?

The introduction of new services that did not support a back door for police would be outlawed, and companies would be given 15 months to make sure that existing services comply.





U.S. Revealed to be Secretly Funding Opponents of Chavez :.

Washington has been channelling hundreds of thousands of dollars to fund the political opponents of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez - including those who briefly overthrew the democratically elected leader in a coup two years ago.

Documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that, in 2002, America paid more than a million dollars to those political groups in what it claims is an ongoing effort to build democracy and "strengthen political parties". Mr Chavez has seized on the information, telling Washington to "get its hands off Venezuela".





Executive Outcomes :.

EO has probably gotten more press than any other merc outfit in the world:

"The team that we have hired to train our security force members are not cowboys; they are a reputable professional company, who are part of our many-faceted strategy to reach a lasting solution to this particular crisis", PNG Prime Minister Julius Chan said on February 24, as opposition mounted to his decision to hire the corporate mercenary army Executive Outcomes (EO) to strike at rebel leaders on Bougainville. The background and record of this private army show it to be not as innocuous as Chan would have the world believe.

EO's private army has seen battle in at least two African countries -- Angola and Sierra Leone. There is strong evidence, despite denials, that its agents are involved in the organisation of mercenaries to fight the anti-Mobutu rebels advancing across eastern Zaire.

EO-linked companies have bid for $1 million security contracts with agricultural and forest companies in South Africa to combat "crime". EO companies are believed to have interests in 34 countries.

The apartheid regime allowed its security forces to operate "front" companies. There is overwhelming evidence that the origins of Executive Outcomes and its many allied companies lie in apartheid South Africa's network of covert and overt military forces, which were dedicated to the destruction of the African National Congress and other southern African liberation movements, as well as the destabilisation of Zimbabwe, Mozambique and Angola.

Vicious covert operations -- the mysterious perpetrators of which became known as the "Third Force" -- continued in South Africa until the eve of the 1994 elections.

EO was founded in 1989 by Eeben Barlow, a 17-year veteran of the South African Defence Force. Barlow served with the notorious 32 Battalion, an elite unit stationed in Namibia, which became renowned for its brutality towards SWAPO and ANC guerillas.

The 32 Battalion fought beside the CIA-backed UNITA terrorist army of Jonas Savimbi, fighting to overthrow the left-wing Angolan government.





Al-Qaida Behind Madrid Blasts :.

A five-year-old or a baboon could have told you this wasn't ETA. But since Al-Qaida is a myth created by American, British and Israeli intelligence agencies, one has to wonder where we're headed next. I believe I called it back in 2002. Just remember, cui bono, who benefits?

In a videotaped message, a man purporting to represent al-Qaida claims the terrorist network was behind bombings that killed 200 and wounded 1,500 in Madrid, the Spanish interior minister said early Sunday.

The tape - along with the arrest of three Moroccan and two Indian suspects - provided the strongest indication yet of an Islamic link to the attack on one of Washington's staunchest allies in Iraq. The Spanish government, however, said it could not confirm the tape's authenticity.


Stong indication!? HAHA! If this is a strong indication, I wonder what slim to none looks like!? I agree 100% with Mike over at What Really Happened:

Folks, think about that white van, left at the scene, complete with detonators and Koran. Who left it there? The actual bombs were remote controlled with cel phones. So, what the facts indicate is that the bombers drove to the train station in a van filled with conspicuously damning materials, parked, planted the bombs, walked away, detonated the bombs, then left the area leaving that van filled with conspicuously damning materials where it would be found.

Frame-ups don't get any more obvious.


But wait... I couldn't make this up if I tried:

Madrid Terror: 911 days after 9/11 :.

What can I say? What can anyone say? Oh sure, these coincidences happen all the time:

The atrocity, which Spanish media and officials described as "our own September 11", came exactly two and a half years after the attacks in New York and Washington, or 911 days, and just three days before general elections that the ruling conservative Popular Party is widely expected to win.





What It's Like Chatting Me Up in a Bar

I went to a bar last night to meet a friend of mine. She usually sits outside and smokes like a fiend, but since she hadn't arrived yet, I decided to sit inside and listen to the band (The Limericks), which was pretty good. My normal MO would be to sit in a deserted section of the bar, drink my swill and work on a manifesto, draw models of the subgovernment, or other such nonsense, while occasionally watching the door for assassins, etc. ;) But there was only one barstool open, and it happened to be the one next to a semi attractive blond woman. FYI: I don't usually find blond women attractive.* I was practically positive that her boyfriend/husband/whatever was in the pisser, but I asked her if the seat was taken anyway. She said that it wasn't, so I sat down.

I requested a pint of Smithwicks (pronounced smitticks) and my barman served it up immediately.

I don't go to bars to find people to date. I know, from years of experience, that dating people from bars is generally a dumb idea. It's like spending your money on lotto tickets hoping to get rich. The chances of attaining a good result are slim to none. It's not that one couldn't meet a quality person in a bar, it's just not likely to happen. This is because bars tend to be full of "normal" people, meaning, stressed out, deranged lunatics.

So, with this as my mindset, I quickly forgot about the blond woman, drank my beer and listened to the music.

Don't ask me how it started, but the next thing I knew, I was having a conversation with this girl. I'm quite positive I didn't start it. Anyway, turns out, she's an investment banker for a very large bank. (Try to imagine my laughter when I heard that one, and how I had to struggle to maintain appearances.)

The thought that popped into my head was, "I better hold on to my wallet. This is an arch swindler, female PHB, who runs rackets involving tens of millions of dollars. Not even my cigarette butts and bottle caps are safe!"

Don't worry, I managed to maintain appearances... At least for the moment.

You would know this bank for sure. You probably have one of their credit cards in your wallet, your house payment might go to this thing and it's highly likely that you're sick of seeing their commercials on the TV (if you watch TV, which I don't, but I assume they have commercials). So, this girl is a big-deal, MBA, PHB, power executive with an office, minions and the rest of it. She has some role in deciding which companies---you don't need to know which sector of the economy---the bank should fund.

You guys know me. Try to picture this scene!

My head was spinning because my ex girlfriend was a high powered CPA, PHB for a public corporation. You may drink their coffee. This is interesting because I swore that I'd never work for a PHB again. So, you can imagine how weird it was to wind up dating one! We didn't have much to talk about.... and now, flash forward, I'm talking to another PHB woman! Come on, man!? What gives? What is the demiurge trying to accomplish by tempting me with PHB women?

So, after some innocuous chit-chat---where are you from, where did you go to school, type of stuff---I wanted to get down to what she knew about the shit hitting the fan.

Get ready to laugh:

Me: "What do you think about the collapse of the dollar over the past couple of years?"

Her: "Uh, it's been pretty incredible."

Me: "Don't you think it's weird that there hasn't been an inversely proportional rise in prices of foreign made products?"

Her: "Oh, I don't want to talk shop."

Me: "Come on! And then you have the Bank of Japan floating U.S. consumer debt with totally unsustainable support of the dollar? How long can this nonsense keep going!? Where would U.S. interest rates be without the inflows of trillions of yen?"

Her: "What did you say you do?"

Me: "Me? Oh, I'm that little voice in the back of your head saying, 'This thing is coming down.'"

Her: "I think you're frightening me."

Me: "You should be frightened. Besides, I think you're frightening me."

Her: "WHAT!? Why?"

Me: "Because you're a big deal at a large bank and you don't want talk about the obvious fact that this thing could collapse at any moment. You don't have to maintain appearances, I'm onto what banks like yours are up to, I know about the bad loans. I know about the bath you people took on Argentina, and the rest of the exposure in South America and Asia waiting to bite you in the ass."

Her: "Look, I don't think it's as bad as all of that. Nevermind! I don't want to talk politics."

Me: "HA! This isn't politics. If you think I'm asking you to have a Left-Right debate, think again."

She changed the subject, and I let her. Then, after several more minutes, she said that she had to go, and I said, Ok, safe trip, nice to meet you, bye, etc. HAHA! That's when she scooted close to me and said, "Look, I like you, I want to go out with you."

I had one of those Fight Club moments: I am Jack's raging bile duct.

Me: "HAHA! No you don't."

Her: "What!? Why not? Are you some kind of psychopath? Married? Kids?"

Me: "No. But I'm definitely a weirdo. You should check out my site, see if it frightens you and then decide if you want to go out with me."

Her: "Web site!? Oh my God, you're some kind of porn freak."

Me: "I wish it was that, I'd probably make money doing that."

Her: ***Pause*** She was obviously caught between the normal female, is-he-an-axe-murderer? syndrome and the fact that she was attracted to me for some weird reason. "Well, if it's some political thing, I'm not interested. I'll be audited for sure if I check it out."

Me: ***Rolling Eyes*** "How can you say you're not interested if you haven't even seen it?"

Her: "I'm just not."

Me: "Well, if you're not interested in anything remotely political and you don't want to talk shop, I'm trying to think about what we would talk about?"

Her: "Do you always try to frighten women off this fast?"

Me: "Look, we might as well get this all out in the open right now before your cat has to be traumatized by meeting another new guy who's not going to work out."

Her: "How do you know about my cat?"

Me: "Oh, believe me, I know all about your cat."

Her: "This is ridiculous."

Me: "You're preaching to the choir, honey."

She wrote down her name and number on a napkin and gave it to me. She said, "If you think I'm calling you, you're crazy."

Me: "Well what do you want me to do with this?"

Her: "Oh my God, can't a girl just like you? Deal with it. You're smart. Figure it out. And call me, because I'm not calling you."

Me: "I didn't give you my number, how could you call me?"

Her: "I don't want it, because I wouldn't call you."

Me: "Fine."

Her: "Are you going to call?"

Me: "Maybe. Maybe not."

She kinda squinted her eyes in disbelief and shook her head a little, then she smiled. I wanted to say, "You're a ninny," but I didn't.

She said, "Bye," I said, "Bye," and then she left.

Jimmy, the barman, walked over.

"Another Smithwicks, please, Jimmy."

* The sword wielding Uma is one notable exception.




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:. Reading

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