Wal-Mart to Open 400 In-Store “Health” Clinics
April 25th, 2007Will people show up to be diagnosed for diabetes and high blood pressure and then waddle over to the in-store eatery to dine on some tasty freedom fries, reconstituted chicken parts and 100% synthetic cheeze food? Wash it all down with a slurpee? Pick up prescriptions for ineffective and dangerous pharmaceuticals from the in-store pharmacy on the way out the door…
In Pearls Before Breakfast, I wrote:
The Machine doesn’t want you dead, per se, but it wants to rewire your brain so that you forget that you’re alive. It wants you undead, because you’re really only useful to it as an easily programmed zombie.
Walmart’s business model is based on a quasi vertical integration of the main components of the zombie consumer lifestyle; garbage, empty calories, entertainment and illness. But Walmart style healthcare will really have Joe and Jane Six Pack coming and going.
Peddle crap that makes people sick: PROFITS
Once they’re sick, tell them which disease or diseases they have: PROFITS
Sell them dangerous drugs that might kill them, maim them, disguise the symptoms, or something in between: PROFITS
Why not take the business model even further?
In-store crematoria: PROFITS (Deluxe Diamonoid and Gold Plated Urn, Free with Cremation!)
In-store hatcheries/maternity wards: PROFITS (25% Off Toxic Soy Baby Formula with Unnecessary C-Section)
In-store worship centers/churches: PROFITS (What Would Jesus Buy Today in the Garden Center?)
In-store elementary schools: PROFITS (Buy One Sponge Bob Square Pants Teaches Math Doll, Get Another One for Half Price!)
In-store libraries: PROFITS (Walmart Shoppers Library Patrons Have the Option to Buy Books at Deep Discounts!)
What other sensible in-store, “market driven” solutions can you think of?
Via: Reuters:
Wal-Mart Stores Inc. said on Tuesday that it will contract with local hospitals and other organizations to open as many as 400 in-store health clinics in the next two to three years.
Should current market forces continue, the world’s largest retailer said up to 2,000 clinics could be in Wal-Mart stores over the next five to seven years.
Wal-Mart said the effort marks an expansion of a pilot program it started in 2005, when it leased space within its stores to medical clinics. Currently, it said 76 clinics are operating inside Wal-Mart stores in 12 states.
t has said the clinics are expected to boost the health of its shoppers and should also help sales by drawing consumers into its stores.
“We think the clinics will be a great opportunity for our business. But most importantly, they are going to provide something our customers and communities desperately need — affordable access at the local level to quality health care,” said Wal-Mart Chief Executive Officer Lee Scott in a statement.
well..are they not also still trying to get into banking? that should help–quick and easy loans! Wal-Mart credit cards!
plus, you can still buy your (Chinese made) “American” flag there for your car, and a nice (Chinese made) yellow magnetic “Support the Troops” sticker–hey, do they sell gas? if you work there, can you rent a room? is there a place to sign up to go fight the War of Terrer(TM)?
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Lotta poor man make a five dollar bill
Keep him happy all the time
Some other fellow making nothing at all
And you can hear him cryin…
“Can I go buddy
Can I go down
Take your shift at the mine?”
Got to get down to the Cumberland mine
That’s where I mainly spend my time
Make good money–five dollars a day
Made any more I might move away –
Lotta poor man got the Cumberland Blues
He can’t win for losin’…
http://arts.ucsc.edu/Gdead/AGDL/cumb.html
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everything old is new again.
WOW!!!
WTF!!!
I’ve been a long time “lurker” up in here but this one post really takes the cake for some reason.
I feel so compelled to chime in, and since Kevin asked
well here’s my $.02 :
How do you like? :
a)In-Store housing
b)In-Store sensory deprivation chambers with direct neurological interface based virtual reality and intravenous nutrient supply
c)In-Store car dealerships gas stations and roads
d)In-Store slave labor camps
e)All of the above
OK!
Have a great day!
Appropriately placed next to the Instore Crematorium is the Instore Elder Care: PROFITS (Dump off dear old Dad at the Bingo Station (PROFITS), which is near the Instore Health Gym (PROFITS), so while the old geezers are paying to place plastic pieces onto cardboard, they can gape at the leotard-wearing fat women jiggling away on the Super Vibration Reducing Machines while reading a juicy tell-all from TomKat’s hairdresser and waiting for their horoscope to be read by the Instore Astrologist (PROFITS).
Everything above, but one more thought:
At one time, becoming a physician was the holy grail for US middle class students with dreams of upward mobility. The training program was grueling and lengthy, and usually undertaken while living in monastic conditions. Hundred hour weeks and sleeping in hospital beds were the price of admission. But for the survivors, the reward was not only an income resulting in financial security, but a dignified social status. In the 1960s, people often dressed up to go to the doctor, just like they dresssed up to fly on a plane or go to church. Doctors would encourage their children to become doctors as well. Doctors often worked until unable due to old age, as they loved their work.
Well, that all ended a generation ago. Now US doctors admonish their children to NOT go into medicine. The poor losers tricked into going to US medical schools are mainly women and minorites with few options in the corporate world. Ambitious male WASPs and Jews have increasingly moved on to the greater rewards of the financial industry. The modern doctors graduate with huge debts and will never be financially independent. Their reward? They will be employees of Walmart and practice Walmart medicine if they wish to remain employed. Education is no longer a means of advancement, even the most highly educated professionals remain debt serfs. This is yet another nail in the coffin of economic mobility.
i wonder if walmart community law enforcement detatchments are/will appear alongside outlets where narcotics may be stored. the dtatamining will be enormous as well. coming soon…walmart gene mapping. decoding and recoding you one layer at a time. =)
In other fascinating news about Wal-Mart, the company is now hiring “former military and government intelligence officers for a branch of its global security office aimed at identifying threats to the world’s largest retailer, including from ‘suspect individuals and groups’.”
http://www.rawstory.com/showoutarticle.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.businessweek.com%2Fap%2Ffinancialnews%2FD8ON2P400.htm
Uh-oh, this is sounding more like Idiocracy every day. How soon until the Costco Law School opens?
And Alek, excellent point. The folks I know who went through med school (and law school) went deep into debt and are working a minimum of 100 hour weeks (80 for law). They have NO family life, the kids are schlepped off to nannies, and the wives and husbands may just as well be dorm mates as they never see each other.
Bring in your foreclosure notice for a free tent from China! In Q1-2007, that would mean 437,000 new customers for walmart!!
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601103&sid=atAohGAGyYJs&refer=us
Almost 437,500 foreclosure filings were reported, a jump of 35 percent from the first three months of 2006, Irvine, California-based RealtyTrac said.
And just in case some former high level exec decides to go public with the seedier details of Wal-mart’s business model:
http://www.businessweek.com/ap/financialnews/D8ON2P400.htm
@ George: Free tent from China with foreclosure notice! Oh man. It’s tough to top that one.
You have to realize how generous Walmart is really, they give then give away the neatest stuff. After you get your tent, well, guess what… you also get a free lifetime admission and free title to a free lot in the local Walmart Retirement (Concentration) Camp where, yes, you too get to produce gas (farts from the free hot dogs) to suffocate your neighbors in their tents as they sleep. If you produce enough gas then you get a free pass on the Walmart Express shackled box car. http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2004/03/281821.shtml and a free ride to Or-he-gone. Golly gee willikers what more do you want for free?
Hey you foil heads! Walmart is trying to save u!!! Didn’t u see the penn & Teller episode?
lol jkjkjk, who da hell would believe anything
like that. Idiocrasy a great movie.
How about making an eco-friendly bio-diesel fuel from the rotting corpses of the saved tent customers. Call it; Walmart customer discount fuel. Recycling old customers to benefit new customers cars.
This guy said it best -> “The Machine doesn’t want you dead, per se, but it wants to rewire your brain so that you forget that you’re alive. It wants you undead, because you’re really only useful to it as an easily programmed zombie.”
They’re don’t want us dead cause they can always get our kids 30 years from now, who are also born slaves and think its normal.
I know my future kid is not getting:
TV (control), establishment education (control), vaccines to get autism, healthcare?!? (control), and a whole bunch of other shit, but haven’t figured a way out of the money pit yet (control), nobody has.